Robert Sale
Hill’s original “Dude” poem, “The True Origin and History of ‘the Dude,’” suggested
that Darwin placed the “Dude” outside of the direct line of human evolution,
favoring monkeys as the missing link, as they were “far more bright.”
When Darwin’s theory first saw light,
"The Dude" he tried to think
of,
But monkeys being far more bright,
He made the missing link of.[i]
At least one
chimpanzee agreed, suggesting that “Dudes” were not a product of evolution, but
of degeneration from human form.
A SOLILOQUY.
Chimpanzee (watching dude) – “Well, Darwin may
call it evolution, but blame my cocoanut
if it doesn’t look more like degeneration.
Judge, Volume 26, Number 26, Number 660,
June 9, 1894, page 363.
Monkeys were also portrayed as being able to outwit a “Dude.”
“Mr. Wridley - "Did you hear that, Minerva? That horrid monkey said 'Shoot the dude' as plain as day! I think we'd better go."
The Monkey (in the sign language) - “Much obliged, Polly. You get half my dinner for that good turn.”
“Our
Pets,” Judge’s Library, Number 21, page 28.
Robert Sale
Hill also suggested that the “Dude” was more birdlike than human, “resembling
much” and “first cousin to” the Dodo.
Long years ago, in ages crude,
Before there was a mode, oh!
There lived a bird, they called a "Dude,"
Resembling much the "Dodo."
Its stupid airs and vanity
Made other birds explode, so
They christened it in charity
First cousin to the "Dodo."
If it
resembles a bird, perhaps it evolved from a bird.
“The Dude,” Judge’s Serial, Number 7, April 1889,
page 16.
The original
“Dudes” smoked cigarettes and were nearly as slender.
Their features, first I would explain
Are of the washed-out order–
Mild dissipation, feeble brain.
With cigarette smoke border.
. . .
Just take a walk some sunny day-
Be sure the wind’s not high, sir,
For in a breeze they dare not stay
Before they’ve learnt to fly, sir. —
And there in flocks upon the ave
For ladies they’re but slim beaux,
You see them flitting o’er the pave,
With arms—or wings—akimbo.
Their thin,
slight build and smoking habits may have suggested an alternate theory of “Dude”
evolution.
ANOTHER EVOLUTION.
The cigarette and the dude.
Judge, Volume 25, Number 625, October 7,
1893, page 215.
And although
the original “Dudes” of 1883 wore tight-fitting, skinny-pants, their style
evolved over the following decade into wide, baggy, checkered pants. One
observer extrapolated the evolution out to the turn of the century, imagining baggier
slacks with bigger checks, and a corresponding physical devolution into even
smaller and weaker “Dudes.”
EVOLUTION OF THE DUDE.
Judge, Volume 26, Number 654, April 28,
1894.
With all of
the conflicting theories of “Dude” evolution, the humor magazine, Judge, imagined a symposium in which
various “distinguished” offered their opinions on “The Evolution and Status of
the Dude.”
A SYMPOSIUM.
We have secured at great expense the opinions of the
following distinguished people upon the all-absorbing topic of contemporaneous
human interest, “The Evolution and Status of the Dude.” In these days of many symposia this one will
easily be awarded the palm for novelty, originality, frankness and general
imaginative quality.
E------AW-----r W------x, - The dude was once a man who loved
a blush-rose so passionately that he lost his brains in the attempt to express
himself. That is why the dude nowadays
halts in his speech, for his language is too profound to run smoothly. Any attempt at easy and correct conversation ends
in collapse or hysteria.
Prof. R. O----n D-----s, Bellevue hospital medical college.
[(R. Ogden Doremus, M. D., professor of chemistry and toxicology)] – This is to
certify that the specimen of the dude submitted to me was subjected to chemical
analysis, and, strange to say, when I got through with him there was nothing
left of him. There was a very minute
brown spot left in the chief retort, which under the microscope looked like the
chewed end of a paper cigarette, but I won’t swear that even that was left of
him. (Please send check when convenient.)
T----s A. E----n. [(Thomas A. Edison)] - The dude is destined to become the best
substance for a carbon substitute in the electric light, and the sooner he is
made use of the better.
Dr. J----n H----l, New York university. [(Dr. John Hall,
Chancellor)] – The dude enters as a freshman, but by the time he becomes a
senior he learns how to classify himself and wilts. Genus Lemuridae, mostly
nocturnal, soft wool (instead of brains), and looks best when stuffed. Some day they will be used by ladies for
their hats instead of humming-birds.
E---r S----s. – A youth with flamboyant manner (see Fairhold
on Architecture), with an air of eternal sopition (obsoltete – that’s why I use
the word) bout him, eyes as opium-soaked as an eastern houri’s (a mixed figure,
but one which will give me an advertisement), and a tongue as eloquent as a
buzz-saw intent on business.
E. B---y W—l. [(Evander Berry Wall, the reputed “King of the
Dudes”)] – A dude is the noblest work of
the tailor, haberdasher, shoemaker and barber.
Nathan M. Levy.
“On the
Rail,” Judge’s Library, Number 12,
March 1890, page 3.
Darwinists were not the only ones offereing origin stories for the "Dude." Lewis Frederick Starrett wrote a poem that offeres a creationist theory of the "Origin of the Dude," in which the "Dude" is said to have been created by an "apprentice lad" in "Dame Nature's" workshop.
Dame Nature created the body of the "Dude" without brains, as a perfect human manequin for a tailor. A mischievous apprentice spoiled her work with a thimble-ful of brains.
. . .
She put in his head not an ounce of brain,
And so it followed he couldn't talk,
Nor even be of his beauty vain."
. . .
So happened it that her apprentice lad
Into the workshop alone did stray.
He for an apprentice was not unskilled, -
Boys into mischief are easily led, -
His mistress's thimble with brains he filled,
And put them into the model's head, -
Which sprang to being, and Dude was named.
And if you've followed the tale, you'll see
That Nature for him cannot be blamed,
For she didn't mean him a man to be.
He married; for women are found who will
Take dudes for husbands, and oft in life
The brains that wouldn't a thimble fill
Suffice for getting a man a wife.
And the fools who manage to keep well dressed,
Of mincing manner and drawling tongue,
That public places so much infest, -
Their name is Legion, - from him are sprung.
That the story is true, one mus conclude,
Because it clearly teh fact explains,
That wheresoever one finds a dude,
He has only a thimbleful of brains.
Lewis
Frederick Starrett, Poems and Translations by Lewis Frederick Starrett,
Boston, Rand Avery Company, 1887, pages 53-55.
