Fursnite - "Why do you have that miserable little dude hanging around you all the time?"
Mademoiselle Kiquer - "I cannot well help. Eet ees my son."
Judge, Volume 18, Number 465, September 13, 1890, page 370.
Thursday, May 18, 2023
Easter Dudes!!!
Easter Dudes
Who cares for the Easter girl? Not I.
It’s the Easter dude who passeth by!
Him I would sing in these Easter lines,
Walking along where the glad sun shines.
Get on to his niblets, will you please?
There is no bag to his trouser knees;
But his trousers! Oh, what a wondrous thing
For a painter’s paint or a poet’s sing!
His coat’s not in it, nor his new silk hat,
Nor his necktie red, nor his eyeglass flat,
Nor his dogskin gloves, nor his heavy cane,
Nor his patent leathers, nor high disdain!
Oh, no! Not these. Not by any chance,
But always, ever, his Easter pants!
Pale gray, mauve tint, Old gold pants! Soulful, yearning,
Restful pants! Sunkissed, just pressed.
Paid for (?) pants!
Wild and wooly Easter pants!
Will J. Lampton.
Edwardsville Intelligencer (Illinois), April 13, 1892, page 2 (widely reprinted).
New York, April 2. - The Easter dude can be very resplendent this year in new togs, the like of which Solomon in all his glory surely never attained.
Shakespeare could write a play,
But he never saw the day
That he could wear his collars
Just this way!
. . . [T]he spring styles are more generous in novelties for men than for women.
The greatest changes comes in the style of neckwear. . . . The front of the new collar is high and straight like the back. It fastens invisibly upon the side. . . .
Another collar is very tall and turns over with small points at the front. This is a very dudish collar. It is called the Derby,” but is much less sporty than the “Churchman,” which is very tall, turns over and has broad lay-back points. . . .
But the Easter dude is not confined to collars for his new dress. He has an assortment of marvelous new neckties, the most popular of which is the stock. . . .
The new four-in-hands and Ascots are very much flowered. They are of richer material, cost a little more and are kept for frock coats and semi-dress occasions. The tie for all the time is the string. This is very narrow and makes into a butterfly bow. . . .
The Easter dude may wear a great deal of jewelry, exclusive of the “sparkler,” which he may prefer to omit from his wardrobe. He may provide himself with jewelled trouser fasteners for bicycle use, and incidentally snap them upon his shirt sleeves in the stress of athletic or office exercise, and he may have pretty hose supporters - garters - with jewelled clasps. . . .
The Easter dude will be very particular about the small belongings of dress, and for that - as John L. Sullivan said of Mrs. Fitzsimmon’s presence at the prize-fight - no real gentleman will have any criticism to make!
Harry Germaine.
The Morning News (Savannah, Georgia), April 4, 1897, page 18 (widely reprinted).
Monday, December 26, 2022
Christmas Dudes!!!
 |
Hollis Times (Hollis, New Hampshire), December 21, 1888, Page 7. |
Seasonable Waggery.
"There is 'twixt dude and Christmas bird
This difference," postcards Hess;
"The dude, you see, is dressed to kill,
The turkey killed to dress." - Boston Transcript.
Spokesman-Review (Spokane, Washington), January 28, 1920, p 9.
Tuesday, October 19, 2021
Football Dude
In Robert Sale Hill’s original “Dude” poem, “The True Origin and History of the ‘Dude,’”[1] he portrayed “Dudes” as being thin, light, weak and not fond of sports.
They hardly breathe, they are so light;
A smile their coat it creases,
And one who laughed the other night,
Was carried home in pieces.
They do not care for cruel sports,
Like foot-ball, cricket, gunning,
But lemonade they drink by quarts,
Their girling’s "real
stunning!"
“Dudes” and football didn’t mix.
Judge, Volume 26, Number 658, May 26, 1894, page 329.
The Evolution of the Dude
Robert Sale Hill’s original “Dude” poem, “The True Origin and History of ‘the Dude,’” suggested that Darwin placed the “Dude” outside of the direct line of human evolution, favoring monkeys as the missing link, as they were “far more bright.”
When Darwin’s theory first saw light,
"The Dude" he tried to think
of,
But monkeys being far more bright,
He made the missing link of.[i]
At least one chimpanzee agreed, suggesting that “Dudes” were not a product of evolution, but of degeneration from human form.
A SOLILOQUY.
Chimpanzee (watching dude) – “Well, Darwin may call it evolution, but blame my cocoanut if it doesn’t look more like degeneration.
Judge, Volume 26, Number 26, Number 660, June 9, 1894, page 363.
Monkeys were also portrayed as being able to outwit a “Dude.”
“Mr. Wridley - "Did you hear that, Minerva? That horrid monkey said 'Shoot the dude' as plain as day! I think we'd better go."
The Monkey (in the sign language) - “Much obliged, Polly. You get half my dinner for that good turn.”
“Our Pets,” Judge’s Library, Number 21, page 28.
Robert Sale Hill also suggested that the “Dude” was more birdlike than human, “resembling much” and “first cousin to” the Dodo.
Long years ago, in ages crude,
Before there was a mode, oh!
There lived a bird, they called a "Dude,"
Resembling much the "Dodo."
Its stupid airs and vanity
Made other birds explode, so
They christened it in charity
First cousin to the "Dodo."
If it resembles a bird, perhaps it evolved from a bird.
“The Dude,” Judge’s Serial, Number 7, April 1889, page 16.
The original “Dudes” smoked cigarettes and were nearly as slender.
Their features, first I would explain
Are of the washed-out order–
Mild dissipation, feeble brain.
With cigarette smoke border.
. . .
Just take a walk some sunny day-
Be sure the wind’s not high, sir,
For in a breeze they dare not stay
Before they’ve learnt to fly, sir. —
And there in flocks upon the ave
For ladies they’re but slim beaux,
You see them flitting o’er the pave,
With arms—or wings—akimbo.
Their thin, slight build and smoking habits may have suggested an alternate theory of “Dude” evolution.
ANOTHER EVOLUTION.
The cigarette and the dude.
Judge, Volume 25, Number 625, October 7, 1893, page 215.
And although the original “Dudes” of 1883 wore tight-fitting, skinny-pants, their style evolved over the following decade into wide, baggy, checkered pants. One observer extrapolated the evolution out to the turn of the century, imagining baggier slacks with bigger checks, and a corresponding physical devolution into even smaller and weaker “Dudes.”
EVOLUTION OF THE DUDE.
Judge, Volume 26, Number 654, April 28, 1894.
With all of the conflicting theories of “Dude” evolution, the humor magazine, Judge, imagined a symposium in which various “distinguished” offered their opinions on “The Evolution and Status of the Dude.”
A SYMPOSIUM.
We have secured at great expense the opinions of the following distinguished people upon the all-absorbing topic of contemporaneous human interest, “The Evolution and Status of the Dude.” In these days of many symposia this one will easily be awarded the palm for novelty, originality, frankness and general imaginative quality.
E------AW-----r W------x, - The dude was once a man who loved a blush-rose so passionately that he lost his brains in the attempt to express himself. That is why the dude nowadays halts in his speech, for his language is too profound to run smoothly. Any attempt at easy and correct conversation ends in collapse or hysteria.
Prof. R. O----n D-----s, Bellevue hospital medical college. [(R. Ogden Doremus, M. D., professor of chemistry and toxicology)] – This is to certify that the specimen of the dude submitted to me was subjected to chemical analysis, and, strange to say, when I got through with him there was nothing left of him. There was a very minute brown spot left in the chief retort, which under the microscope looked like the chewed end of a paper cigarette, but I won’t swear that even that was left of him. (Please send check when convenient.)
T----s A. E----n. [(Thomas A. Edison)] - The dude is destined to become the best substance for a carbon substitute in the electric light, and the sooner he is made use of the better.
Dr. J----n H----l, New York university. [(Dr. John Hall, Chancellor)] – The dude enters as a freshman, but by the time he becomes a senior he learns how to classify himself and wilts. Genus Lemuridae, mostly nocturnal, soft wool (instead of brains), and looks best when stuffed. Some day they will be used by ladies for their hats instead of humming-birds.
E---r S----s. – A youth with flamboyant manner (see Fairhold on Architecture), with an air of eternal sopition (obsoltete – that’s why I use the word) bout him, eyes as opium-soaked as an eastern houri’s (a mixed figure, but one which will give me an advertisement), and a tongue as eloquent as a buzz-saw intent on business.
E. B---y W—l. [(Evander Berry Wall, the reputed “King of the Dudes”)] – A dude is the noblest work of the tailor, haberdasher, shoemaker and barber.
Nathan M. Levy.
“On the Rail,” Judge’s Library, Number 12, March 1890, page 3.
Darwinists were not the only ones offereing origin stories for the "Dude." Lewis Frederick Starrett wrote a poem that offeres a creationist theory of the "Origin of the Dude," in which the "Dude" is said to have been created by an "apprentice lad" in "Dame Nature's" workshop.
Dame Nature created the body of the "Dude" without brains, as a perfect human manequin for a tailor. A mischievous apprentice spoiled her work with a thimble-ful of brains.
. . .
She put in his head not an ounce of brain,
And so it followed he couldn't talk,
Nor even be of his beauty vain."
. . .
So happened it that her apprentice lad
Into the workshop alone did stray.
He for an apprentice was not unskilled, -
Boys into mischief are easily led, -
His mistress's thimble with brains he filled,
And put them into the model's head, -
Which sprang to being, and Dude was named.
And if you've followed the tale, you'll see
That Nature for him cannot be blamed,
For she didn't mean him a man to be.
He married; for women are found who will
Take dudes for husbands, and oft in life
The brains that wouldn't a thimble fill
Suffice for getting a man a wife.
And the fools who manage to keep well dressed,
Of mincing manner and drawling tongue,
That public places so much infest, -
Their name is Legion, - from him are sprung.
That the story is true, one mus conclude,
Because it clearly teh fact explains,
That wheresoever one finds a dude,
He has only a thimbleful of brains.
Lewis
Frederick Starrett, Poems and Translations by Lewis Frederick Starrett,
Boston, Rand Avery Company, 1887, pages 53-55.
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